Stay Patient & Trust Your Journey

About three weeks ago, I had a realization about this health journey I’m pursuing. It wasn’t looking good. I was trying my hardest to tell myself that I was going to get out of this slump, but I just couldn’t kick it. Not permanently. If you look back, you’ll see that my posts have been roller coasters with themes of positive then negative vibes. I realized that I wasn’t doing anything to help myself, so I changed. My outlook was brighter as I realized that no one was going to fix this for me.

So, three week update. I’m still back. I’ve kept it up, but it’s different this time. I’ve made so many choices over the last three weeks that have helped keep my food on track and have only slightly indulged when I felt I needed to. But the indulgence was always small. In the two weeks that I since I started Journey 2.0, I have lost 13.6 lbs. My goal is to weigh in weekly because I know I should see some change each week, if I keep up what I’m doing.

Another thing I wanted to mention, not sure how relevant this is to this blog, but I realized that this isn’t as difficult as it was in the beginning. (more on the later) I know that sounds ridiculous because I say it’s difficult all the time to everyone.  But I realize that I say this because that is what I’m supposed to say. It’s supposed to be difficult. Now, I’m not saying that I’m going to have a drop in weight every week or that I’m not going to indulge in things I shouldn’t have or that I’m even going to make it to the gym every day, but I know that I can do this…with ease, usually. I’m not afraid to fail anymore. You make the decision every time something comes in front of you, whether it be food, exercise, sleep, etc. and that’s what you pick. That is the choice you have made for that particular time, whether it be good for you or bad for you. I used to think that making a choice, a bad choice, would set you up for failure for the entire day/week/month, but that was me making an excuse. That was me telling myself that it was okay to mess up the day because you already messed up your morning. This was me making excuses. I’m done with excuses.

Hopefully this mindset will continue because I can’t wait for week 4.

The other day I was reading up on habits and I found this to be very interesting. I find it a challenge to start new habits so I’m kind of excited about this. I love challenges. I’m going to take this way of thinking and make it work for me. I just like the way it’s broken down.

The 3 Phrases of Building a Habit

• Phase 1 (Days 1-7) is called HELL WEEK. What to expect: The changing of any habit is incredibly hard at the beginning. Think about it…You are re-wiring your brain in a way that it has not operated for many years or even your whole life. It’s going to be VERY tough. But the beautiful part about this phase is it’s very short lived in one week.
• Phase 2 (Days 8-21) is about STAYING CONSISTENT.What to expect: The second phase is all about solidifying this new habit in your brain through one important factor: consistency.
• Phase 3 (Days 22-66+) is about REWIRING YOUR BRAIN.What to expect: By the third phase, the foundations of any habit have been built. Now it’s all about pushing it to the next level so you’re getting the most out of it. This phase is about habit mastery.

I’m grateful for the opportunity to be able to start this again. I’ve accomplished enough to say that the first leg of this race is over. I’m starting new, with new mini goals that should help me be successful for the time being. These goals (see last posts) are small and will help to get back into that lifestyle where stress and craziness don’t run my life. I think these will be goals that will help keep me accountable but feel like I’m not moving too fast. That being said, I also need a long term goal. I need to feel like I’m working towards something.

Ideas for long term goals

• X amount of pounds (I’m not sure how much)
• Exercise goal (where do I see myself going)
• Nutrition goal (what type of nutrition do I want to focus on i.e. calorie counting, macros, different types of diet, etc.)
• Body measurements (I haven’t done this)

I’m not sure what my next step is for me. I need to make sure that I find something that is measurable, meaningful, and something that will challenge me but keep me fighting to be successful.

I’ll leave this here for now until I really think this out.

I’ve started this post about 10 times and I still can’t get my first sentence out…But here goes…It’s time. I’ve made excuses and forgotten my Why. It’s time to refocus on the reason that I began this journey. It’s time to remember all the reasons that I’ve continued this journey. It’s time to take all the chaos by the horns and show it who’s boss. I lost all the drive that kept me in the game and I let every single thing in my life, that wasn’t going well, mess with my head. I let it take over because I let it. I became someone that I wasn’t. Someone who gave up and made excuse after excuse. I lost the accountability that I set up for myself and it set me up for failure. I’m going to say it again. IT’S TIME. No more excuses. No more ‘start again tomorrows’ and definitely no more beating myself up about what I’m not doing because this is definitely something that I should be kicking ass in. There is definitely no time for pity parties.  I have made a decision to start a new journey. A journey that I can, once again, be proud of.  With goals that are attainable and motivating. 

The first year that I started this weight loss journey was AMAZING. I had an incredible time. I felt like I could do anything. I felt powerful and strong. It’s been a long time since I’ve said that because I haven’t been feeling powerful or strong. I was feeling defeated because I wasn’t making the progress that I felt I should be making. Of course, this is my fault. I’ve had a lot of opportunities and little success over the last few months because of me. I’ve placed that hurdle in front of me and it seemed to get taller and taller with each day that passed. But this ends now.  Honestly, I really do feel it’s because I’ve forgotten what it’s like to enjoy the journey. I’m repeating myself a lot in this post for a reason…so I’ll say it again.

I’ve forgotten what it’s like to ENJOY this journey.

I sat down and talked with my friend today. She struggles a lot with the same issues that I have. She has lost the weight but mentally feels drained. We seem to be going through a very similar period of time where we both feel like our self control has become something that has gotten out of hand. She said something to me today that made me realize that I need to change my outlook and not give in to my feelings. I need to remind myself that I am completely in charge. I can fail and it be okay but I have to keep going. It’s funny because lately, I hadn’t been feeling myself. I told her that I’ve felt like I’m just failing in general. But this is my anxiety talking. This is me creating scenarios that would never happen because there is no real reason for them to. This is me not really taking my journey seriously because I’m just battling with all sorts of anxiety. We even talked about medicine but I’m just not there. I don’t want to rely on something like medicine to help me with this. This is something that I have to learn to deal with because I know I can. This is a hurdle that I will get over. Or at least push down and crawl over.

It’s funny because Carlos and I talk a lot about how I’m feeling and why I’m feeling that way. This is one of the many reasons that I really treasure his friendship. I don’t feel like he’s listening to me because, as he says, ‘it’s part of his job as a trainer,’ I feel he does it because he wants to truly help me understand my journey as I’m going through it. The other day, though, I said something to him that truly saddened me. We were talking about all the anxieties I was having and I said that I felt like everything in my life was crumbling down. I don’t feel this is true but it felt true at the moment. I realize now that I kind of lost my way but I’m back…like I never left. 

Alright, so you are going to have to bear with me with the post. It’s a little all over the place but I’m going to try and make sense of it.

I’d been struggling lately with my, for lack of a better word, my “journey”. In my last post, I posted a quote that focused on discipline rather than motivation. I have the motivation, but I lack the discipline to execute what needs to get done. I don’t feel like this is a bad thing as I have realized this. It’s a bad thing when you don’t realize this. This can be dealt with and fixed but it will take time. It will take new habits. It will be me against myself when dealing with some of the bad habits that I have “reintroduced” into my life. I have full confidence within myself that I can battle these demons that I fight with on a daily basis. So, that is what brings me to this post.

I recently had a conversation with someone having to do with how do we fight these things or demons within ourselves. It made me think of the ‘crabs in a bucket mentality’. Okay, so this may not make any sense but I just connected with this theory in a way that I could relate it with the “demons” that tend to bring me down. In my own way, I am struggling with the crabs in a bucket mentality. Time for some explanation…

What is the crabs in a bucket mentality? It’s a way of thinking best described by the phrase “if I can’t have it, neither can you”. The metaphor refers to a bucket of live crabs, some of which could easily escape, but other crabs pull them back down to prevent any from getting out and ensure the group’s collective demise.

So, I can honestly say that I struggle mentally with creating new habits and breaking old ones. I feel like sometimes I might be my own worst enemy when it comes to these things.

The correlation: As I’m fixing to break free, I’m pulled down by my own self.

i.e. As a new habit begins to take over, I sometimes allow old ones to bring me down.

This is a rough state to be in, but I know that it will pass.