It’s been so long…

I’m not even going to look back at the date of my last blog. Pretty sure that it has been more than a year. Not that I haven’t wanted to write but I just haven’t been feeling the writing. Almost like there was too much to say about all the things that were going on in my brain so it was easier to just not say them. Writing this even gives me a little bit of anxiety as I try to timeline all the stuff that happened over the course of the last year. Pretty sure the last thing that I wrote about was close to the time that I had a Covid. Not really something I want to revisit.

Anyway, so probably one of the biggest things that I did that I haven’t written about is that I was prescribed a medicine to handle my depression/anxiety. Just talking with different people and the experience that they have had with meds, I think I was lucky that the first thing that I was prescribed helped A LOT. Sometimes the first thing doesn’t work but mine just helped clear my brain and made me so much more productive. It also cleared out all those negative thoughts. I was struggling with the idea that every time I interacted with someone, I was just letting them down. I felt very worthless and it made me feel so down. Honestly, I haven’t always had that feeling when it came to how people felt about me but I did have it about how I felt about myself. So, it was strange. I would just have these times that I would break down but I really didn’t quite understand why. It’s not like people were actively putting me down or being ugly to me. It was really all made up in my brain. Probably more about how I felt about myself. Either way, I knew I wasn’t quite myself so I asked for help after talking to Matt about it. After talking to my doctor, she also mentioned that these may also have been due to Covid. Maybe not all, but the intensity. Either way, it’s been a big help that she recommended the medication.

So, I’ve been thinking. Dangerous, I know. But I think it’s time to set those goals again. Now that I’ve gotten a bit of help with my mental health, I really want to push this year coming up. Last night, I sat down and really thought about some things I wanted to focus on. I have some big goals and I have some daily goals that I’m working on. New Year’s resolutions are always fun and I’m pretty excited to start some this year but I know that I will make it harder to reach those unless I have my daily goals in place.

Let’s talk goals and systems/habits! You can’t have one without the other! And these are broken down to the bare bones but ALL systems will definitely help with ALL goals. I just want to remind myself that I want to build these systems/habits that will help me attain my goals.

  1. System/Habit: Daily Exercise
  2. Goal: Rock ‘n’ Roll 5k/10k
  3. System/Habit: Meal Plan/Prep
  4. Goal: Lose Some Weight
  5. System/Habit: Sleep Routine, Hydration
  6. Goal: Energized; Not So Tired
  7. System/Habit: Take meds daily, Blog
  8. Goal: Clear my head; don’t bury feelings

There are way more for this list but I’ll end the list here, for now. Next time I’ll write, I’ll go more in-depth with my goals for the upcoming year.

One of the things I’m really going to work on is my excuses. I’ve made myself really believe in some of the ones that I’ve come up with. I’ve been guilty over the last few months of just making up problems that really didn’t exist to get out of reaching my goals. One being that there just isn’t any time. Yeah, that’s not true. Although I may have been tired or just in a bad mood, there was always time to take a walk or lift some weights. I know enough to make myself a small series of exercises. Okay, I can copy a series that Carlos has made me and call it my own. Either way, I have the resources. I have made myself a pretty great gym in my garage and I need to use it more often. It just stares at me when I come home from work. Speaking of, one thing that always has sort of stayed with me since I got my treadmill was something Carlos mentioned. He said that before I even enter the house, get on the treadmill for even just a few minutes so that I can get a little exercise in. Honestly, I’ve never done this. Not proud of this but it has just really never happened. I’m not going to promise that I will always do this but I’m going to try my best to at least use my equipment a lot more from now on when I’m not able to get in a full workout, whether on my own or with Carlos. I’ll make sure to keep that good advice and actually follow through some days.

So this is getting pretty long. I have a quite a bit more to say but I’m going to end it here.

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