I’d been meaning to sit down and write this over the weekend because I think days like this are important to remember.
On Friday, I went to PlyoFit. I’d been feeling really great. I’ve been trying new things and pushing myself just a little harder because I know that this is the only way I’m going to move forward to some of my goals. Then I hear it. The dreaded words that I always hope that Carlos never says to me.
“You have 45 minutes on the clock.”
Ugh. This where my inner child, if able to surface, would come out and flail and kick her way to the ground and proceed to go limp so that if you wanted her to move then you were going to have to drag her. Yeah, I know. I’m not proud of it. And honestly, it lasts for a few minutes and I’m able to sort of talk myself down off the ledge. I’m still not happy but I deal.
So you are probably wondering why this is so dramatic. Well, a couple of reasons but I’ll probably just focus on this one. The clock is my nemesis. It puts me up against myself which I hate, even more than being put up against another person. At least when I am up against someone else and they beat me, it’s because they are just better. I feel a little different when it comes to the clock and just me. It’s very intimidating. Now, don’t get me wrong. I’ve been coming to the gym long enough to know that I’m not always going to win against the clock. There are times that I do and times that I don’t. I hate losing every time. (There, I admitted it.)
Things were different this time. When he told me what was going to be happening, which I’ll lay out for you in just a bit, I knew instinctively that I wasn’t going to beat that time. I did the math in my head. This wasn’t something that I wanted to go through at the time. I didn’t feel like having that conversation with myself that ended up with, “you’ll beat it next time.” I knew that this was impossible.
So, what was the workout? Now, it wasn’t a particularly hard workout but one that I knew that I couldn’t beat that time with. I had to go around the block then come in and do 20 TRX rows, 20 TRX tricep extensions, 20 ball slams, and 20 knee ups.
In my head, I knew that maybe I could get 3 rounds in, which was pushing it. Actually, I barely missed the 3 rounds. When I was done with the third round, the clock said just a little over 46 minutes. Now, the first two rounds, I’ll admit, I was angry. I mean, not like ‘where’s my knife’ angry, but upset that I knew on MY BEST DAY, I wouldn’t make it. That’s why I was upset. I’m pretty sure Carlos sensed it because I’m sure I wore it all over my face. He let me know that I wasn’t going to make it, but it was on purpose. He wanted me to push myself. He wanted to see where I was with the time. Plus, I’m sure he had a billion other reasons. (He’s smart like that and there is always method to his madness.) He let me know before round three and then I realized that I was using so much of that negative energy that I probably should have channeled it to have a better time or at least enjoy myself a little bit more, so I did something else.
Now, you know, if you’ve been reading these blogs, that my goal is to become a runner. I used some of the time on my third and fourth lap to run for a few seconds. Not much. Just enough to get my mood back to where I was when I showed up. I used the straight away of the road behind the gym to practice. I double backed a couple of times and continued on when I couldn’t anymore. If you would have asked me a few months to go onto the road and run, practice or not, I would have said no. The uncomfortable feeling would be the only thing stopping me, but I’m done feeling that way. I don’t feel uncomfortable anymore. I feel stronger even if for a short time and that feeling completely overwhelms you. At least, it does me. It makes me feel so good about myself. I honestly cannot explain how much of an overwhelming feeling of joy I get from just attempting to run. It’s crazy to think that two years ago, I couldn’t do most of the things I do now, let alone run. I will make it. I will fulfill my goal, no matter how long it takes.
Also, on another positive note about the workout I did. I moved for 66 minutes and 47 seconds without stopping. Crazy.