What are you going to do different today, that you will be proud of in a year?

It’s been more than two weeks since I have written an entry, but it’s been almost two years since I’ve started this blog.

I’m proud that I started documenting this journey when I did. I like the fact that I can go back and read about the person I was two years ago, whether that be something positive or negative. Either way, it’s who I was. I like knowing that somewhere from the beginning to now, I started to change and I like that somewhere along that line, I got so overwhelmed with it that it made me think about who I was and where I was going. I like that this past year in 2018 was different from 2017. I like that 2017 seemed easier, but I love that I learned more about myself in 2018. Isn’t it funny, that we learn more about ourselves when we struggle than when we succeed. It hurts more but we remember lessons more often when we struggle to learn them. There was a huge difference in 2017 and 2018…mentally, emotionally, and physically.

A lot of the time, we look at our goals and what we want for ourselves in yearly increments, hence this NYE blog. Timelines can be rough, though, especially using the timeline of one whole year, but I get it. A new year offers a blank slate. A new way to try and erase the bad habits and introduce new good ones. It’s funny because before embarking on this new adventure, I didn’t create resolutions, especially fitness/health related ones. I didn’t think people like me needed to. If that makes sense. I really didn’t think it served a purpose only because I didn’t feel like a new year was the times to throw out Hail Marys for myself. They seemed wasteful to me and now I realize why…I didn’t have the tools. I didn’t know how to create or even be successful at these “resolutions” because I didn’t know what I had or what I lacked in knowledge. I didn’t know how to ask for help, partly because of my own stupidity. Sadly, I almost felt like since resolutions were to make people “feel better”, then they weren’t for me. Like I didn’t deserve to feel better? Why would I think that? I didn’t deserve to try and better myself, new year or not? That seems like nothing but sabotage on my part.

I’m not going to say that I started my journey because of a new year’s resolution I made to myself…I didn’t. I started this journey because of community. The people around me had a habit, a positive mindset, some will power, call it what you want…but what they had, I wanted. Finally. I had that drive that pushed me to try, for once. I won’t call it a new year’s resolution but I’ll call it my “January 24th, 2017 Resolution”. A little late in the new year, but I’ll take it.

On to my question…

What are you going to do different today, that you will be proud of in a year?

Nothing and Everything. Nothing because I’m already doing it and Everything because I’m still growing and learning. I’m going to continue following my goals because they are my goals. They are what I aspire to achieve. They may change along the way, but nonetheless, I will continue to have goals. They are what help me measure my own successes and my failures, for myself. Not for you or anyone else, but for me. I’m going to continue asking questions, reading, learning, failing, believing, trying, persevering, crying, laughing, pushing…Do everything I can to make sure that my passion and perseverance get me closer to my goals, whatever they may be at that point in time.