Sometimes I say things that are different than what I am really thinking…
The other day I said something out loud that isn’t necessarily true. I made the comment that when I walk into the gym, I usually walk in with the thought that I may not get through the workout. I’m not sure why I said this. Workouts have been as good as I make them. Read: if I’m not feeling good, my workout isn’t good but if I’m feeling great, it’s great.
So, why are the workouts so important to me? Probably because they’ve always been my favorite part of this journey. They’ve always been the consistent thing that has driven me to be better. Now, I know that it isn’t about this. I know that working out is not what is going to solely reach my goal but until I do, I like to workout. I like the way it makes me feel and even when I’m being dramatic and not “feeling it”, I couldn’t stop. Well, I could but that would make me feel terrible. It wouldn’t be the same as when I used to not workout. I’ve lived it so I know now what I’m missing.
This makes me happy. This makes me think that I have a good thing going. It makes me feel unstoppable and strong. It gets me excited to go out in the world and be different, to try new things, and to step out of my comfort zone. I’m not great at doing these things but when I don’t overthink it, I surprise myself.
Lately, I haven’t done much reflecting on here because of timing. Work has been crazy and I’ve really tried my best to keep all of my plates spinning but blogging seems to be on the back burner even though it’s one of the things that helps me the most. Maybe I should make some more time for it. It really does help separate some of my thoughts. I look at it like working out. It helps to clear my mind of clutter and helps me focus. Something I’ve needed for a long time.
Another thing I’ve really been thinking about is my diet. It’s actually been pretty good lately because I’ve really been trying. Honestly, though, I have on a couple of occasions found myself falling into some of my old habits because I really wasn’t doing anything to hold myself accountable. It’s weird because when I fall into some of my old habits, it’s like I don’t know it’s happening and I feel like I’m watching myself from the outside. It’s almost like I’m on autopilot. A really odd feeling but I’m aware of it. I’m just trying hard not to be my old self with my old habits.
I think I’ve done a lot to create some better habits for myself but sometimes the old ones sneak up on you. I think that the key is to just be able to recognize when that happens and try not to let it take over enough that you don’t realize it until it’s too late. Believe me, I’m in a much better place physically, mentally, and emotionally.