Over the last few months, I’ve had some ups and downs. Lately it seemed to be that the downs were more than the ups but I’ve really tried to be much better to myself. I finally realized, though, that these phases are what make us. The true test of change is how we grow from it. How we perceive ourselves is everything and how we talk to ourselves is something that no one can take away from us so make it powerful and positive. I’ve truly never appreciated it because I didn’t know what that really meant. I didn’t know that you could really be kind to yourself while going through such an exhausting but amazing transformation, inside and out.
Which brings me to the reason I chose the title of this post.
One of the things I focus a lot on are things that I’m not. This is definitely a curse when it comes to trying to evolve into something that you never knew you wanted to be. My mind has shifted so much over the last two years and has gone through phases where I feel nothing but pure joy in the process of change and where I feel completely unhappy with the process of change.
Again, there is a something to be said about the feeling of uneasiness and happiness. It brings a lot of light to certain areas of your life that you may not have focused on before. For instance, I’ve never considered myself a writer, but I am a writer. Over the last 2 years, I’ve documented my journey as an outlet but I’ve grown to love the ability to just write out what I’m feeling for anyone to read. Although this type of activity doesn’t look like it has anything to do with my journey, it does. It’s given me the ability to relive my thoughts and feelings and have them at my fingertips to revisit at anytime. Such an amazing thing to have especially when you need that reminder of how hard you have worked or even how much you’ve changed.
You know, it’s funny because when I started my journey I had one goal–weight loss. Actually, let’s take it back even before that. My goal before weight loss was just sticking with something long enough to where I didn’t think there was a chance of quitting…after that, then the one goal became weight loss. But things have shifted. My goal has grown to become even more than that. It’s spilled over into fitness and mental growth. It’s opened up dreams of being things that I’ve never been or never thought I could be. It’s opened opportunities of new adventures, body acceptance, and even growth mindset. It’s pushed me to believe that even I could be an athlete.
Then I realized something. I’m already an athlete. I’m a novice, but still, an athlete. They perform, they study, they practice. They train. They push themselves. They compete. These are all things athletes do. I perform, I study, I practice. When I walk into PlyoFit, I push myself. I train hard. I become someone that I have never been and I compete against myself, every time. I lose and I win some, but each time, I perform like an athlete. It’s taken me a lot of time to realize that even though I don’t fit the athlete-type mold, I still have all these characteristics that make one up. I love this. This is what I have craved for so long. I’ve realized that this isn’t me TRYING to do things anymore. This is me ACTUALLY doing things. This is me giving myself a little bit of credit for even trying. Most importantly, this is me still learning how to be an athlete, not only physically, but mentally. This is me becoming someone who is proud of themselves, failures and all.