No title today…

I don’t think there has ever been a night where I have needed to write as much as I need to right now.

I feel bad. Lonely. Defeated. I’m not even sure why. I have done nothing all day because I just can’t shake this sadness. I have wasted my day feeling sad. I’ve talked to hardly anyone today including Matt, who has given me the entire day to just let me be. Right now, I’m sitting in my car in the driveway with the windows rolled down because this is where I feel the best right now. There is only the noise of insects and passing cars. I feel far away. Like no one understands but I know that’s my own fault. I know I need to take care of myself and this is not a usual night but these take a toll on me emotional and it’s hard to come back.

I don’t like this feeling. I need to take a step back and pinpoint what triggers days like this. Although I’ve had days like this, I don’t think I have ever felt this bad. I know that writing it out helps. I just hope one day I can be done. I can be happy with who I am and what I’m trying to accomplish.