It seems like the best conversations come when least expected. They may start out with the intentions of just being simple conversations while others may end up being so profound and deep they lead to realizations of your own life. When you are lucky enough to have a conversation like this, document it. This talk between Carlos and I started out with nothing to do with me, but in actuality, I related to it in every aspect. I just wasn’t aware that this conversation would be something I could relate to. I will never be able to recreate the exact dialogue we had but I can reiterate the points I took from it.
This talk lead us to the questions of why we let doubt lead our lives. Why are our intentions, as good as they may be, not enough? Why is our own personal why not enough to motivate us to change when we know we need a change? Why do we let important things such as our health become back burner items in our lives? Is there a difference between loving yourself and valuing yourself?
This last question, posed by Carlos, sparked something in me that I haven’t been able to let go. Honestly, I feel that it all comes down to how we value our own life. What worth do we attach to the life we are living?
When we change its because we value ourselves. When we don’t change, it’s because we haven’t realized our worth. We haven’t had the thought that we deserve to be the best version of ourselves. I am completely guilty of this. I always believed that one way to live my life was to be as helpful as I could be. I bent over backwards, jumped through hoops, offered the shirt off my back to anyone. I realize now that this is a crutch. Now, I’m not saying that these are bad things, but I am saying these can be crippling. I realized something the other night. My self worth, before making the change of joining Plyofit and eating better, was at zero.
I felt that my purpose in life was to make others feel what I couldn’t feel, because my quality of life was limited. Again, my self-worth was at zero.
I’ve known all of my life that my weight was a problem. This wasn’t new to me or even something I was trying to fix. This was just who I was. So, I did what I did best and swept it under the rug because it was easy. I couldn’t deal with my own demons, so I helped others deal with theirs. It was easier helping others than it was helping myself. It made me feel like I was worth something, but I realize that you can’t get self worth from others, it has to come from within.
I’m not done on this topic but this is my realization of the week. This is something that will change my Why for the rest of my life.