So, I haven’t blogged much about food, partly because food and I have a love/hate relationship. But honestly, my relationship with food has been way better than it has been in years but it has been a rough road. Lately, though, I’ve been dealing with a lot of realizations that have become very eye opening to me. I’ve realized that I probably had a problem and maybe, sorta, probably still do, at least with the mental aspect of it. So I want to throw it all out there…
Before I started working out, I had the most horrible diet. I didn’t realize this until I stood back and took a good long look at what I was eating. Now this feels like a lifetime ago, but I can clearly remember the habits that I had developed over my entire life and just how much they negatively impacted me daily. Even as I started to exercise I never really admitted to myself that these were things that I did. I think I’ve finally realized that what I did could clearly be considered a problem. It wasn’t something that just happened. Food was mentally draining to me, yet the only thing that really brought on joy. The ‘joy’ was temporary. But it was necessary to deal with a lot of things that I went through. By no means, was my life terrible but I did have a lot of issues. My weight crept up on me my entire life. I had instances where I would lose some but then gain it back plus some more. These were just temporary diets that I failed at because they were not sustainable. Then again, I thought that’s just what my life was. I was destined to just be overweight all my life. I was going to be that person that just fit that role. Now, I’m going to try and fix this issue before it gets even more out of hand.
So back to the food thing…again, I didn’t think I had a problem. But I did. I do…
This is so hard to write because even though I know I have a problem and am trying to fix it, writing it down makes it so final.
I used to binge eat. I didn’t know it, really. But I guess in my mind, I did. I don’t know. It’s hard to say.
I used to eat in secret. I did know this. I mean this was my way of not letting others know what I was doing.
I don’t do this anymore. Partly because I don’t want to fall back on old habits and partly because I don’t keep bad stuff in my house anymore. Now, there are times, when I want to so badly. Especially when I’m stressed, but again, no bad food equals less likely to binge. Now, there are times when I overeat good things but it’s because I’m still working on it. Overeating is still overeating, no matter what you are eating. I can handle myself a little more though when it’s good for you foods.
So, that’s about it. This time. I’ll talk more about my past food relationship next time.