This post isn’t meant to be discouraging but it is what happened so I needed to write about it. I’ll go back to normal. I just need a moment.
Last night I had a great night with the hubs. We went out for a great comedy show that we both had been looking forward to for a long time. We had a great dinner and then decided we would do something productive at 12:30 am. So we went grocery shopping…very uneventful but we were able to grab some healthier things. I really enjoyed the fact that the hubs and I went together. Which probably is the reason that my emotions were running so high. Everything was great until we got home…
Have you ever had a feeling come over you so hard that you don’t know how to process it? When we got home, I had so many feelings just rush over my body and mind that I wanted to punch a wall. All of a sudden, I felt so overwhelmed. It came on and I couldn’t stop it. Half of my brain kept telling me to stop and think and process but the other half continued to feel sadness, anger, and a complete sense of overwhelming insecurity. I had to talk things out with my husband. I had to explain what I was feeling.
It took me a little while to be able to explain myself. This first thing I needed to do was explain that I was having an overload of some sort. I needed him to know that this was something that was about me and how I was feeling or maybe even not feeling. It was a very confusing moment for me.
We talked. I cried. He listened. I love him for that. I let him know how I felt. All of my emotions were out so I didn’t want to scare him off. He understood.
I’m lucky to have my husband. He’s a great man. He’s hard on himself sometimes when it comes to me and my emotions but he really shouldn’t be. This journey has taken me on a roller coaster of emotions that I have to understand before anyone else should understand.
After emoting a bunch of nonsense, I realized that this talk was overdue. Since starting my weight loss journey, we had conversations about it but we never really talked about it. He apologized for not being as supportive as he should have been, but that’s not even true. He has been supportive, but I also know it’s hard when someone in a relationship is changing. I know I am changing. I can feel myself different. I don’t mean just changing physically, but I know I am changing in all aspects.
Changing is very scary. When you have been one way all of your life and then, all of a sudden, decide that this isn’t working, it can take a toll. You can get lost in the process. Almost like you’re looking in on a stranger. Now, I know that this is just part of what makes this a challenge, but as I said before, it can be scary. I don’t want to be different…my goal was to just lose the weight but you really can’t do one without the other.